Permission to Cut Classes

Have you ever volunteered in your child's classroom at school?  That was one of the things I was looking forward to when I quit working.  I always envied those moms who volunteer regularly at school.  They seem like they're such a part of the school community, so in tune with what's going in their child's classroom.   I used to think, "if only I had time to do that."  Quitting my job a year ago freed up my time and, when my son started grade 4 last fall, I signed up to help out in his class once a month.

I was looking forward to my first volunteer session in October, a field trip to a museum, until I came down with the flu.  I was relieved that the volunteer organizer was able to get someone else to fill in.  In November, my son was sick on the day I was scheduled to volunteer and I stayed home with him.

Finally in December, everything was lining up.  I was scheduled to volunteer on a day just before winter break started.  I was healthy, my son was healthy, I was finally going to do it. So why wasn't I feeling excited?  Why was I feeling like it was a chore that had to be done rather than the delightful motherly experience I had envisioned and even envied when I was still working?  I admit, I was even feeling a little resentful that I had to give up my time at home to help out at school.  Then I started feeling a little ashamed of feeling resentful.

When I showed up at the school to fulfill my commitment, I tried my best to smile and be grateful that I had the time to give.  After all, it was still better than a day at the office.  When I got to the classroom, a substitute teacher greeted me.  He thanked me for coming but told me that he didn't have any work for me to do.  Everything was already prepared for the days leading up to Christmas.  He checked with the other grade 4 teacher but she didn't need any help either.  He apologized and said, "Everything's done here and I don't believe in busy work, so you're welcome to go."  I almost hugged him.  I did hug my son before I left the classroom, walking back to my car with a smile more genuine than when I had arrived.

Over the Christmas break, I was thinking about volunteering in January but I knew we'd be away for a week  so I asked the volunteer organizer to take me off the schedule.  In February, I forgot to ask to be put back on.  March got away from me and April, well...

Alright,ok, I have no intention of going back to volunteer in the classroom again.  There, I admit it.  Its just not my thing!  I would rather be at home relaxing or working out or getting my regular chores done than hanging out with a couple dozen nine year olds.  And I think that's ok. Not every mom is cut out to help at school.  I admire the moms that do, but I don't envy them anymore. I give myself permission to cut classes.

Catching My Breath

Hello Everyone!
About a year ago, I made a controversial decision to stop and catch my breath.  I was a professional accountant working long hours at a large company.  It seemed my life had rolled from high school to university to career and kids with never a break.  I was always very achievement motivated and ambitious and I seemed to run at full speed regardless of what I did:

• I studied long hours at university, earning the Dean's Medal for highest marks in my graduating class;
• I completed the courses and exams for the Chartered Accountant designation in a single year (one of only 8 people that year in B.C. to achieve this);
• I landed an entry level position in a big energy company and within 8 years I was running a multi-million dollar project, travelling around North America, speaking at conferences, bringing home hundreds of thousands of dollars a year;
• I was one of few people at my company of approx 5,000 people selected as a successor for a prestigious V.P. role;
• During all this, I was blessed to give birth to two wonderful, bright, energetic boys; and
• I ran two half marathons.

All of this took tremendous effort and push.  To say I was busy was a monumental understatement.  People wondered how I did it - I was asked to speak at seminars on work/life balance.  People envied my success and my prospects.  They thought I had it all figured out.

And then one day about a year ago, I stopped.  I left my job to do ...  nothing.  To be honest, at the time, I really didn't know what I was going to do or even really why I felt compelled to quit everything.

Looking back, I see I was a little burned out.  Ok, maybe a lot burned out.  I needed some space to just be me, to figure out my priorities and then focus on what was truly important to me.  To just catch my breath.